My child is attacking me and others...Is there something wrong?! What did I do?
What do I do?
First things first...It is actually normal development for young children to experiment with biting. However, it becomes a problem when they can't control it. Don't worry, that's why I'm here.
"Biting is a typical behavior often seen in infants, toddlers, and 2-year olds. As children mature, gain self-control, and develop problem-solving skills, they usually outgrow this behavior. While not uncommon, biting can be an upsetting and potentially harmful behavior"-NAEYC.
This is the most difficult thing to teach in my opinion...Because it's exhausting! But with the right tools and a few meditation sessions anything is possible...
So It's Normal...But Why?
It is a way of children learning their place in the world and learning what they can do. You can see it in a child's eyes when they bite...They feel satisfied. This may be from jealousy, anger, or to express other desires such as hunger or confusion.
Not developed self-control
Relieve pain from teething.
Explore cause and effect (“What happens when I bite?”).
Experience the sensation of biting.
Satisfy a need for oral-motor stimulation.
Imitate other children and adults.
Feel strong and in control.
Get attention.
Act in self-defense.
Communicate needs and desires, such as hunger or fatigue.
Communicate or express difficult feelings, such as frustration, anger, confusion, or fear (“There are too many people here and I feel cramped”).
WHAT DO I DO?!
Document it!
I know this is difficult when you're running with sweat and adrenaline from your child's aggression...But in the long run...Even a scribble will work. You don't really need a fancy worksheet either...Time, place, incident, what actions taken. But a worksheet makes it quicker to click and print.
It helps to start documenting every time the child bites, or acts aggressively. The time, place, and situation and what type of aggression was used. The real hard part comes in...What was done. Alot of times we don't always know what to do right away...But, the more you see the reason behind the child's action, then you can start helping them based on their needs. In the beginning, just removing the child from the situation and redirecting them helps and of course telling them no. Later on once you've had a few reports, take some time to sit down and look for patterns.
Word Rephrasing-
It's pretty easy to say no this or no that...But to a child they only hear the last word you said.
One thing is to be remembered, do not say "no biting"!
That seems kind of backwards, but young children haven't developed their full understanding of language when they are young. So, when you say "no biting", they just hear "biting! Oh momma says I can bite!". Instead, say, "no" or "gentle". I usually repeat "gentle hands" for hitting. But, if you are full of emotion and get angry, even with a little attitude try saying "gentle" and they will start to learn that word and understand. Show them what gentle means, by patting a stuffed animal or hugging it lightly.
Communication Cards!
You can use Cards to show them what it looks like. This is good for all ages and every time the behavior happens you show them a card, they point and then they do the action. It takes some practice, but children catch on easily. This is especially important for children who cannot talk yet, or children who aren't always the best at communicating. Even shy children have a hard time telling the teacher or you what is going on.
Show them what it looks like
If a child hits another child, say gentle and then show them gentle hands with the other kid, and encourage them to shake hands with the other kid or gentle touch to say sorry.
Sorry doesn't always cut it...Instead teach them what they're doing and how to solve it.
Just having the child comfort the other when they upset them shows both that they are sorry and helps forgive them. Then you can introduce sorry and i forgive you. AND DONT give up! It may seem exhausting having both children come together every time there is an argument...But if you let it slide and they run away...They will learn that it is ok to do it. So keep on it...It takes children sometimes a million times to learn their behavior and change it...Especially if they are older and it's been going on for awhile. But there is always hope as children are young and able to change!
In addition, sorry does not work when they are under 5...usually. At some point they do know what it means. But, Ive had alot of children say sorry and then roll their eyes and go do it again. Instead, teaching them what they did wrong and having them do the right thing right away will be their sorry. Then once they understand that, you can teach them sorry.
Teach About Emotions!
There are lots of charts that help children regulate their emotions and feelings. Sometimes it is overwhelming..Because you just want to help them and want to know everything that is going on...Sometimes it can feel like you are failing as a teacher or a parent...But children have a hard time expressing themselves because they don't have the language or the learning yet on how to handle it. That's why there's Google...And charts...Like these
A parent or teacher is not just a babysitter! You're an educator!
You're growing a person! That takes alot of work.
I'm not saying it's easy, but it's what's the best interest for the child. Learning about emotions and how to handle them is basically the main part of a child's life. So, if you're having problems put your energy into emotion work first!
And if this feels like you....
Remember to take care of yourself...It's essential.
